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PHIL CHOWDRY

PEOPLEText: Nicolas Roope

The world style and gossip press seem obsessed with the stars and starlets of fashion and beauty, looking to them for examples and answers of how to live, how to dress and how to act. Problem is; stars are human and therefore necessarily crap.

Instead we shall construct the ultimate man using a highly unscientific whim driven method.

The man is a construction appropriate to this very moment in time and, therefore, is moving away from the pure perfection that he is as time goes by. Even now as I write these words I can feel his perfect form, slowly seeping away; time slowly sucking out his power and ultimate status.

Let’s call him Phil Chowdry.

Background:

Phil was born of Mavis and Miah Chowdry in 1968 in a small Welsh mining town. Miah Chowdry grew up in Bangladesh and came to England in the fifties because of a labour shortage and because he was told that England was fun and colourful and not hugely bleak, grey and depressing. Whilst still a child, young Phil ran a record label from his bedroom, releasing tracks for his school friends The Super Furry Animals and the now Welsh Ambassadors of Rock, The Manic Street Preachers. After training as a plumber, Phil moved to Cardiff and then finally to London, where he still lives.

Lifestyle:

He resides in Euston in a very lovely and cheap council flat, acquired with the help of some disabled stickers and a faked limp. Phil’s choice of car is a black 1977 Toyota Celica which still bears the scars of a minor crash with Britain’s cherished starlet Emma Thomson. Apart from work (consultant new media strategist to London’s ‘Big Five,’ advertising agencies) he has a taste for outdoor pursuits. Phil enjoys mini-golf, snowboarder-hunting and drag car racing. His indoor pursuits include boozing/smoking/dancing and watching cable telly. You would find him in Islington’s 24 hour Sainsbury’s after the pub, buying groceries of no use in reality but of great relevance to his drink soured stomach. The Coffee House on Beak street is also a regular haunt, where he frequently bumps into his friend Nik from antirom.

He Wears:

A lot of Gucci. He’s bought some Lee Mc Queen stuff but it’s a little bit too ridiculous to wear outside the safety of his bedroom. Today I think he’s probably wearing a Raf Symmons shirt, YMC trousers and a Griffin Jacket. He wears some naff bracelet that his former and only proper girlfriend gave him when he was in Cardiff. His socks are flesh coloured (not flesh for Phil’s rather darker complexion) and have the Nike signature on the ankle. The shoes would definitely be Gucci. I can say this with conviction because he only owns Gucci shoes. The only other shoes he has are his old Nike gym shoes which he uses to play football on Thursday evenings. John Smedley pants are a source of joy for Phil, they’re his ‘Lucky Pants.’ Although aware of the dangers of smoking, Phil is often seen puffing on Full Strength Peter Styvesant.

Romance:

Apart from the aforementioned girl in Cardiff (the gone to pot Joan) Phil has shared his life with few, choosing instead the life of a bachelor. He has a large bed with black satin coverings and associated drapery, a tiger motif emblazoned on key areas.

To Come: The Ultimate Woman, The Ultimate dog, The Ultimate City etc.

Bye.

PS. Does anybody read/ like this column?

Text: Nicolas Roope

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